What is Family Violence?

 

Family violence covers a range of relationships including:

  •  Parent-child
  •  Child-parent
  •  Siblings
  •  Partners
  •  Intergenerational

Family violence is about an imbalance of power and control where one person continues to dominate the relationship. The following is a check list of signs you are in an abusive relationship.

 

Physical

Slap

Kick

Push

Spit

Scratch

Strangling

Denying access to medical help

Punch

Shake

Grab

Hair pulling

Bite

Misuse of vehicle

Medicating you

 

Whanau/Social

  • Limiting or preventing access to family, friends, sports and hobbies
  • Limiting cultural connections, use of own language, celebrations, dress, returning home
  • Opening your mail

Spiritual

  • Limiting or preventing access to your faith or passion for life
  • Forcing their faith and passion for life on to you
  • Using religion as an excuse for the abuse

Emotional

  • Putting you down
  • Belittling you, your weight, the way you dress
  • Withdrawing emotionally from the relationship, a wall of silence and coldness
  • Demanding more and more of your time
  • Living in fear

Psychological

  • Playing mind games and shifting the goal posts in the relationship
  • Threatening or attempting suicide as a way of controlling you
  • Threatening to kill or harm you and others
  • Unpredictable behaviour from charm to harm
  • Minimising, denying and blaming the abuse

Financial

  • Force you to get a job
  • Prevent you from getting or keeping a job
  • Limit your access to money
  • Misuse of family assistance and other entitlements
  • Signing up overheads in your name and running into debt
  • Gambling the family money

Parenting

  • Undermine your parenting
  • Fighting in front of the children
  • Gate keeping access to children

Sexual

  • With holding sex as a punishment
  • Forcing sexual activities you do not want or like
  • Excessive jealousy
  • Accusing you of flirting or having affairs
  • Being unfaithful
  • Denying access to family planning

Cyber

  • Abusive or demanding text messaging
  • On line dating while still in a relationship with you
  • Using Facebook and other social media sites to stalk you, misrepresent you
  • Inappropriate photo images
  • Going through your phone and email contact lists

Foundations for relationships based on equality

This is where both parties have equal share in any entitlements and responsibilities

Equality is not about being the same it is about placing equal value on the different roles.

Relationships are based on: Trust, Safety, Honesty, Respect and Accountability

 If you think you are in an abusive relationship – seek help.

SVS-Living Safe delivers services into Malborough, Nelson, Motueka and Golden Bay. Please contact our Nelson office for information.

Nelson Office

124 Vanguard Street

Phone: 03 548 3850

Txt: 027 548 3850

Fax: 03 548 3852

Motueka Office

Jack Inglis Hospital

15b Courtney Street

Phone: 03 528 8976